I am thinking a lot about this incident and doubting myself a lot. I sometimes feel very guilty, I sometimes think that I have done something that is not at all in my personality, I have shown one of my very close friends that side of me which is not mine. I just did that in anger, in tiredness, in my selfishness, I don’t know why I asked for 12 bucks?? Sometimes, to make myself feel better, I evaluate the whole situation & I try to prove to myself that whatever I have done, I am right. Even PK thinks I am right, he tries to boost my confidence but somewhere in my heart I don’t feel good. What happened is probably very silly thing to write on the blog but looking at the state of my mind since last two weeks, it will be good that I write it down here and maybe feel bit lighter then.
So, my friend “Kittu” who lives very close to us took the initiative to arrange bbq getaway. Everything was arranged on whatsapp girls group and everyone participated equally. That get-together was success and we all had fun. While doing the preps, Kittu & I went for all shopping related to the party. Kittu also purchased her personal groceries which I paid for as she forgot her money in the car. It was not big deal for me because anyways we were going to do calculation later.
Next day when we were going to the destination, we took a break at service station where we both shared a snack & she purchased her personal item, paid by me as her husband was standing far away. Again, I did not mind spending few dollars for her personal stuff but this was clearly a “show-off” as I know her nature of showing people that she is a diva!!
Anyways.. so the bbq was over. Next day on the same whatsapp group no one came forward to share the expenses. Because I & Kittu went for shopping, I knew that Kittu had spent the most. I also knew that she will not come forward asking everyone to share the expenses. So, just to be fair to her and everyone, I took the initiative and asked all the girls on the group to calculate their expenses & share the amount. The calculations were done and everyone agreed to the amount to be transferred to Kittu. I also had to transfer the amount to her but because I paid for her personal groceries I sent separate message to her saying how should we do our expenses? We have bbq expenses, your personal groceries expenses & a service station break expenses.
This service station break expense was the one which is giving me headache. I was not at all feeling good including that small amount in the calculations but when I asked PK, he said “What is fair is fair. Why should I pay for her personal thing? I would rather buy you something than paying for someone’s show-off. She always shows attitude and takes advantage while talking sugary sweet things”
There has been previous incident with Kittu and her husband when we went for movie. Her husband bought discounted tickets for all of us but when PK asked how much we have to pay for tickets to them, her husband asked for full amount rather than discounted amount. PK just transferred them money without arguing. Her husband has habit of eating a fruit in the supermarket & not paying for that as it’s already eaten. Same thing Kittu did when we went for shopping. She ate a pack of chips & threw the bag away without paying. Then, there was an incident couple of years back when the bbq party was arranged at our home and while cleaning up a cooking spray was left at our home. I don’t remember finding it but after few days Kittu told me that another friend was saying all the leftover stuff was left at our home & they did not got to take it back with them as the expenses where shared.
I was so shocked. You know the feeling when you know that behind your back you were called a thief for a freaking two dollar cooking spray!!!
When it comes to arranging a get-together, it’s always my house. Never, ever, anyone comes forward and says let’s do it at my place this time. Even if we are going for outing in day time and have to go at someone’s place for tea, games & rest, it’s always my place not anyone else’s. Even this time, I did not invite anyone at my home after bbq outing, I came & sat in the car quietly. When PK came after 5 minutes, he said we are going at our home or Kittu’s place. I was feeling like, this time maybe Kittu & her hubby will take everyone at their home. But on the way, Kittu’s husband told PK, everyone is coming at your place. I was fuming but can’t say no to friends!! PK and I had to stop on the way for a while to use a washroom. When we reached home, everyone was there except Kittu’s husband & one of other couples. When I asked where they were, Kittu replied they have gone to see Kittu’s house. I was thinking – “If they can take one couple to their home to show them house, why they asked everyone to wait on our driveway? Can’t they say “heyy lets all go to our place, will call PK & TP as well to come there directly” I know the main reason why no one wants to take the friends home. Because they want their house be clean, no efforts to serve tea-water anything, just go to other person’s place eat, drink, play & go back to clean home & sleep. I won’t say that they don’t help me when they are at my home but host has to run more than others and after they leave there is definitely some work left to do.
That day also, all after returning from bbq, they all wanted to prepare food for their kids. One of friend’s mum prepared khichdi for Kittu’s daughter but after sometime Kittu said the daughter doesn’t likes this consistency of khichdi. There was cat fight going on on what does their kids like. She asked for grinder and grinded the khichdi, then again said no, her daughter won’t eat this khichdi. She likes khichdi of her style only. She then again made khichdi from scratch out of which her daughter ate 2 spoons and I threw the rest away. Then there were chaos in the living room, making dinner for all 10-12 of us. Everyone calling me give me this, give me that. And in all that another kid started throwing up on our sofa, 2 buckets of stuff. I will not say how expensive our sofa is & how much PK takes care of his sofa. There was chaos, I was running like crazy bringing towels, tissues, clothes and stuff. The MUm & kid went to clean up & take shower, the bathroom became mess. Then to help me another friend started cleaning & kept asking me where, how, what questions. It was all so over whelming for me. PK & other boys were sitting outside not knowing what’s going on in living room. They thought we all are having fun time. Anyways…
So, yes back to the calculations. Kittu asked – we just spent for snack & my thing at service station, isn’t it? How much was it? I replied yes, 12 bucks. She was clearly angry & disappointed with me and started sending me big calculations back to back and calculated the whole 12 bucks as HER expense and finally asked me to send her my bank details so that she can transfer the money to me.
Areyy, why did you count whole 12 bucks as your expense, we will share no, I said. To which she replied – we are a like family only, will you calculate 5 bucks for a small snack as well?
I didn’t know what to respond. I was feeling bad. I should not have calculated those 12 bucks. This small amount has now managed to create a clash between me and my friend. Also, it shows that how selfish I am, I wanted to share the expense of small snack while Kittu could bear the cost. This morning she transferred the money & even sent me confirmation receipt. This all sounds so formal between friends. Why sending me receipt as a proof?
I will send her money back and also will let her know that I was just being fair and honest and calculating everything that we spent for that bbq day. I am feeling so little in front of her that I can’t afford to pay for my friend’s snack?? PK keeps telling me that Kittu is just trying to make me feel guilty by saying & doing all this. If she was fair & honest, then her morals would have told her to come forward & remind me of her personal expense that I paid for. She is just taking advantage out of me.
I feel ashamed. I don’t know what is right?? Being fair & honest in money matters OR taking your stand and not let anyone take advantage you?? Now when I read this post, I feel so bad that such a small thing, just few bucks were able to shake our friendship and were able to make me feel so little in front of my friend 😦