So, I was typing a comment on OHW’s post on Transformation & I realized I am writing a whole post in her comment section. So, I thought I will not take up a lot of her space & rather do a post myself. So, I was saying that as you all know I come from a big joint family. All ladies – Grand-mum, Grandpa’s sisters, My Mum, 3 Bhabhis, Aunties, 4 Buas, 4 Maasis, 2 Maamis, in-numerous cousins, and their cousins, my 2 sisters – No one has ever worked out of the house ever. All are proud housewives. Before my wedding, I was also in the same mentality that after marriage I will be managing home, husband & kids. I use to dream of managing kitchen, maids, guests, doing thousands of household chores, then getting ready in the evening when husband come home, eat dinner with him & go out for walk. Go for movie, shopping & dinner every Sunday with him & for rest of the days go for shopping & for designer visits with other ladies in the family. This was all in my mind before wedding. That is separate thing that I worked as a teacher for a year & a half before wedding and relatives saw me & my family with – “Haaawwww.. these people with gold-diamond business are allowing their daughter to do a job for few thousand rupees, tauba-tauba” look!!
After engagement, I left my teaching job and I was very clear that I will become housewife in Sydney and I am not going to work at all. When I came here, when PK used to introduce me to his friends, they all used to ask – “Did she found a job?’ “What did she used to do back in India?” “Which field she is from?” “What are her qualifications?” I used to be like – What the f@#K!! People here are so manner-less that in first meeting itself they are asking such questions. These questions were not limited to first meeting only. Every time I met them, there will be same question – “Did you found any job??” I started feeling pressure, not from PK or my family but from friends!!
Slowly the pressure started building. PK’s family, particularly MIL & PK’s cousin started asking me & PK indirectly and sometimes directly if I have found any job or if I have started applying or not? I used to think – Did PK married me so that I can come and work here and earn money? Or Did I got married to work & earn money?? I have to say I was depressed with such kind of attitude all around me but I was stuck to my decision.
I did not work for first year. This was my choice & PK’s too. People around me also understood what our thinking was. We went to India for our first visit after wedding. Came back & we got the news that BIL will be coming soon for his studies & will live with us. At that time, PK & I felt some pressure, we knew that BIL will not get job as soon as he will land. Managing finances will become difficult for us till BIL finds a job. I realized that if I will start working I will be able to help PK and will be able to share his responsibility. Also another reason was boredom too. At home, I used to feel so bored, homesick and was putting on lots of weight by just sitting idle & eating. I had nothing to do at home, no one to talk to. Then I started looking for job. Luckily I found one, although after BIL came here & my first day at work was on my birthday.
Although there was pressure from all sides (never from PK), I started working when “I” wanted to work & not when other people wanted me to work.
To sum it up, I will say whatever the culture is, whatever other person’s mentality is, do not worry about that. Most important thing is YOU. If you feel that you are not happy with your life if you are housewife and you want to work, then you should totally go out and work. If you feel that staying at home is making you, your husband happy and that can be an option for you, then you should stay at home and follow your hobbies and never be ashamed of that, let people say/think whatever they want. If you are happy & content with your life then only you will be able to keep your family happy & fill the environment of your house with happiness.
I was not working before because that was making me happy, now I am working because I want to work & this is making me happy. This is my mantra, what is yours??