“Mine and Yours”

Coming from a joint family, I never knew what is “mine” & what is “yours”??

 Everything is for US. Everything is for the family. Everyone will share & use the things when they want, there was no “Mera-Tera.” But I think I am changed now. I cannot see people using my things until & unless they have asked me before using it.

What happened yesterday is I saw my colleague who sits right next to me sipping his coffee in my mug, in my blue mug. I felt like screaming at him, doesn’t he know it’s my mug? He has seen that mug in my hand everyday still why would he use my mug?? I felt like snatching that mug from him but we all were in the boardroom at that time, I don’t know how I controlled myself 😦 So, I will go and buy new one for me now.

I have felt the same feeling when MIL gave my suitcase to BIL when he was traveling to Sydney. I was shocked to see my luggage bag when BIL landed. The bag was roughly used, some ribbons tied on it for easy recognition, some printed papers stuck on bag using sticky tapes & I was like – “It’s MY suitcase, MY dad bought it for me, no one asked me if I want to give it to BIL or not? I bought 2 Samsonite suitcases with my Dad for freaking 40,000 INR.

Nope, we don’t use that much expensive suitcases in our family, it’s just because I had to travel overseas & my Dad wanted to buy best of things for me so we bought it. I left one of them at my in-laws place thinking I will bring it next time but that doesn’t mean they have all rights to use my things without my permission or even without letting me know. BIL kept that bag with him until he was moving out & I voiced out “My Dad bought this for me after my wedding, can I take it back??” That is different thing that BIL also returned PK’s carry on luggage bag too!!

MIL wears my gold jewellery whenever she feels like or whenever she is attending any functions. She has even gone to the extent of buying her own size blouses & petticoats for all my Saris that my Mum & Dad bought for me and are lying in my wardrobe in India. How do I know all this?? I see her wearing my Saris & jeweleries in the pics which our relatives post on Facebook!!

Ok… No problem in wearing those at least someone is using it but at least inform me, at least ask me?? Was that the reason she was not letting me keep my jewellery with my Mum & kept calling me & PK at my Mum’s place to remind me to bring all jewellery with me & she came to train station to just collect it from me before we fly to Sydney?

I liked a fold-able box type sitting stool in India so I bought it here. Later, Dad said he has bought 3 more for me & will send in courier. Before Dad even couriers them, BIL managed to make its chutney by sitting on it 24 hours of week, swinging on it, eating meals on eat, doing his work on laptop on it and what not. It was just for picnic purposes and not for rough & tough use. I told him couple of times to sit on sofa, chair or bed but no.. He won’t listen and slowly the stool died!!

The problem is not in using my stuff, but using it without asking me or informing me. My stuff is not public property for Gods sake. 

OK I think I am feeling better now, this whole blue mug issue is the reason for this post. I will go back to my work now. Phew!!

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35 Responses to “Mine and Yours”

  1. Smitha R says:

    Hey, so glad to see this post.. I have the same mindset too 😀 , I dont like it when people use my things without asking me. Its different if they ask once… but I get pissed off otherwise.

  2. greenboochi says:

    It so annoying when people start using your stuff even without asking. I so understand. I ask multiple times, if I am using a bindi from my SIL’s cupboard. They all go at the same time asking me why should I ask first. Its such a small thing. But I cant change the way I am. I would like to ask first and then use, even if its for emergency. Thankfully my MIL or SILs never have taken my stuff. Inturn they expect me to take theirs without asking. Its a weird situation too, if you know what I mean 🙄

  3. chipmunk says:

    🙂 this place is really a stress buster for us 🙂 🙂 Its true, I don’t know how people touch others goods without asking, but I must admit that it will be the difference of situations we were brought up with. they never used to request some one…. you should have said to MIL that you forgot it in your mum place, else at least you can make PK to speak on this to take your jewel with you…..

    How lovely that small stool will be,,,, these Bil are always a irresponsible one. even my jijun brother is like that, a lazy bone.. hmpffff!!! they never does any work but will surely contribute in the place of damage 😦

  4. Snow says:

    I can understand what you are going through.. I also have no problem in sharing things if people ask before using it and also if people maintain it well.. If you are using somebody else’s things, you ought to be careful with them so that the person also feels good when you use his/her things 🙂

  5. Bhakti says:

    Why can I see nodding my head in unison on this post? Well heck, you can use my things, but be kind enough to ask me, if you can use them. I guess this is a problem with a lot of in-laws around. They think that whatever is there d-i-l’s is indirectly theres. given the fact that the d-i-l is married to ‘their’ son.

    I guess i also have problems, when they decide things on my behalf. why do they not feel the need to consult me, when i am also going to be affected by the things, they are deciding.??????

    i guess i better stop it and else the rant will become endless….. phewwwww…..

    p.s.: Although I have been reading your blog for sometime, never got to comment here. but must tell you, i can feel and understand a lot of things, that you have written about esp. about the in-laws. since i go through it myself 😛

    • exactly my point Bhakti – ASK first, no problem in sharing!! things will be lying in my wardrobe without any use for whole year so I don’t mind if they want to use my stuff but they have to remember its MY stuff & not their personal so better ask me first!!

      Aiyyoo your in-laws too??? God help us DILs hehehe
      I can so imagine us sitting together & chatting about this for hours!! lol
      Hope to see you around more 🙂

  6. Aakanksha says:

    I am also bit possessive about all my things. I just get pissed off regardless who is on other side. gah.!!

  7. Jazz says:

    Same here dear.. You know I used to be so bad that I would not share my stuff with my siblings too when we were young, of course now I realized the fun and we keep sharing handbags. Makeup etc etc.. But again frankly I don’t like outsiders using my stuff, cos I don’t use theirs too.. Once my SIL wanted to give me a dress she got for herself and not using it.. I got too shocked and kept saying no.. I would somehow control and get a new one maybe like you 🙂 And great that you got your suitcase back..

  8. Tharani says:

    I totally hear you darling. I can never accept people using my things without asking me. It get annoyed even if the MIL re arranges stuffs that I have already arranged 😀

  9. aarya says:

    is that guy stupid or what? How can he use something that belongs to you without asking? And that too your mug. Pen, pencil, note pads and other stationary I understand. Not acceptable but still not to fuss about. But your mug? What’s next? Your water bottle? Your lunch box? He sure is crazy. You should buy a new one but also tell him curtly that you would appreciate if he asks first before using your stuff. These MIL and BIL things happen yaar. It’s sad that they don’t have common sense to ask you first but they are family now and you have to just forgive and forget.

    • arey forgive & forget once, twice, thrice but not more than that yaar..
      its like nothing is my private stuff everything is for them!!!

      • aarya says:

        it’s sad that other people’s inconsiderate behaviour ruins our day 😐 I wish your in-laws had etiquettes to ask you first…next time get all your jewellery here na…you can tell them ‘yahan rakhi sadd rahi hai’ and that you want to wear it on festivals and such. And i know you can’t stop them from using it, but then never hesitate to get your stuff back, like you did with the suitcase.
        Hugs, Pinkie…good thing that you’ll feel better now after sharing such stuff 🙂

      • yes that is the plan Aarya when I will go for sis’s wedding in Dec..

  10. More than Words says:

    I can so relate to your post…..it’s not that I don’t like sharing,but what I share and with whom I do it should depend on me. I do not like when people take or use my stuff without asking.

  11. Visha says:

    Would you believe me if I say as a newly wed, I never liked anyone sitting or sleeping in my bedroom 🙄 🙄 But with time, I accepted that I cannot get a complete privacy in a place full of people 😀

    But yes, thankfully I always have people asking before they are using anything in my room, be it the dressing table or anything else.

  12. Smita says:

    I used to have the same mindset! I remember when my MIL wore my saree for the 1st time (W/o asking me) something pinched me. I had the same issue, she should have at least asked. But now I am a little more used to it….:D

    • your MIL is good with you na so somethings you can ignore & get used to it but for me, we have lot of issues so even small things pinch a lot, unfortunately that is the reality of our relationship.

      Its hard for me to get used to it 😦

  13. Pepper says:

    He used your mug without asking you? That is gross. I am not too possessive about things. Had somebody used my eraser/pen/etc without my permission, I would brush it off. But something like a mug is too personal, that would not be acceptable to me 🙂

  14. Pooka says:

    I can so identify with your post. After my marriage when all the gifts were opened, my MIL kept 2 really nice & expensive perfumes gifted to me by my closest family members, needless to say, without my permission. Not just that, she kept my toileteries like my body wash, face wash, shampoo & conditioner in her bathroom as well. I had kept a new bottle of cream on my dressing table. One fine evening after returning from office I saw that was gone. I asked her politely has she seen that or kept somewhere else as I can’t find it. Her reply was, I took it to the cosmetic store & exchanged with a hair colour product. I don’t see you using it. I said even more politely that I didn’t use it so far doesn’t mean that I won’t use it ever. I was using another cream at that time which was on the verge of ending and would’ve started using the new one soon! Though she was the one who had bought that cream for me but after she gifted something to me, I have the entire right to do whatever I want to do with it isn’t it? The next day she got me another one but I took my lesson. Now I keep everything under lock & key! Phew I feel so good after commenting here!

  15. Anna says:

    Hey..I read some of your blogs back to back and can’t stop myself commenting on this one 🙂
    This is exactly what I feel when my things are used without any need to ask me..that pisses me off like hell..and I am always made felt that I am too possessive about small things and living in a family, these things should not matter. Reading your post and comments here, I feel good and I am not the only one.. ;P
    Also, reading your blogs, I felt that it is fine to open up your mind on anything and everything that we feel. There would certainly be someone reading your thoughts and may be connecting with them as well without being judgmental!! Keep blogging girl!!

    • Hi Anna,
      welcome here 🙂
      yes absolutely, this blog is the space where I empty out the thoughts taking space in my mind and if I don’t write it down here my brain might burst lol
      best part – if people are being judgmental about you, it doesn’t bothers you at all 🙂
      Keep visiting 🙂

  16. Neeli says:

    even i belong to ur category Tandoori.. I seriously hate it when somebody uses my things without my prior approval… i hate it to the core… like for instance- my roomy using my face wash :X, my rubber band, my hair grip… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH i hate it.. but now ve become used to of it.. coz later i realized that she did all that out of friendship :O okay…$^%$&%$&

    so sick of ur MIL & BIL using your stuffs without ur permission n Jewellaries, Sarees n Suitcases… goshhhhhhhhhhh they are personal things… why cant they understand that… I’m seriously scared how wil i react if my future in laws will behave like this… ?????? tell me one thing are all in laws like this????????? 😦

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