BIL!!

So, a few days back we asked BIL to start looking for his own place, either alone or with friends however he likes.  Actually PK spoke to him, giving him reasons like our new house will be very far for him, train station is also very far and since he cannot drive here, it will be very difficult for him so it’s better he finds his place now and get settled. Actually before saying this, PK had confronted BIL regarding his lies about going for shopping when we are asleep and all that. BIL was shocked to know that we know everything that BIL, MIL & FIL were hiding from us.

BIL kept giving reasons like he will start driving by the time house is built or he will find some or other public transport in that area and all that. So, basically telling us indirectly that he will find his ways to travel but will not move out.

I saw neither  PK was coming to the point and nor BIL was understanding what we are saying or behaving like that that he is not getting what we are trying to say. So I had to jump in, I said to BIL that we now need our privacy and that we have fulfilled our responsibility of supporting him during his studies and when he was new in this country.  We need some space now and he is matured enough to understand that we have spent our 2 years of life (after wedding) in supporting him and all that. PK also supported me.

Now the thing is from that day BIL is behaving extra nice to us. When we are at work, he cleans the kitchen, does the dishes, does the vacuuming and sometimes if he is at home alone he tries to cook something (which does not taste good but at least he is making efforts!!). Even I have noticed from past few days, when PK & I are sitting in living room, watching TV or relaxing, BIL is in his room with his laptop and tries to give us “that” space.

Previously the scene was totally different. He used to carry his laptop, books and stuff and used to sit next to PK all the time. I used to get uncomfortable that I cannot relax here properly and neither can I can talk to PK openly. I used to get up and go in my room so that I can relax after long day at office & then cooking dinner for us.

PK has also noticed all these changes, PK keeps asking “Do you think BIL is behaving in more matured way now?? He is taking responsibilities and giving us space as well.”

“I”???

Well, I don’t know what to reply!! If I will say yes, then PK & BIL might both change their minds and BIL will end up living with us, which is very uncomfortable for me. If I will say No, I myself feel guilty that I am lying to PK and I am not appreciating BIL’s efforts.

I asked PK to ask BIL after few days if he has started looking for his place to stay. BIL replied that he is thinking of asking his group of friends for room sharing.

It has been a month now and I know BIL has not even started any house hunting and I know deep in his heart he does not wants to move out and that’s what he is showing in his actions.

Today, I texted BIL from office that if he wants a colleague of mine is moving out next week and he can pass on the place to him. BIL replied that he does not have any friend to move in that place, he does not wants to pay the rent alone and he is looking for room sharing where he can move in with his friends.

I don’t know now what to do. Our house will be almost done when we will return from India, if BIL will not find place till then, he will move in with us. I know if we will say NO to him at that time we will have to hear things like “Big brother is well settled and younger one is not yet settled properly, still big bro did not took poor young brother to their new house instead they asked him to move out!!” and all that 😦

But I am determined, after every few days I will keep asking him if he has found anything yet or not, no other option!!

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23 Responses to BIL!!

  1. chipmunk says:

    What I say is, better you yourself find and give a home where people are willing to share. is he a dumb, man this is irritating yaar, what happen to Pk!!! gahhhh to BIL. lazy bone, how he is sitting in his brother home!!!!!!!! I will feel really uncomfortable if I were in this situation 😦

  2. sjscribbles says:

    Arey TPL ! This guy seems like he will not move out untill he is caught by the throat and chucked out of the home.
    Please be consistent in looking out for homes and finding him home sharing partners, afterall that you and PK have done for him all these years – Do this one last thing and finish it off !
    Crazy Guy – Wants to be a leech in his Bhayya and Bhabhi’s life …

  3. Smita says:

    Hmmmm I dunno what to say…hope u get what you are wishing for 🙂

  4. Visha says:

    Its better you guys only find a place for him, it does not look like he will move out by himself.
    And why are you worrying about what people will say if you say No once you are back from India, its your life, let them feel or say whatever they want, does it matter??

  5. You have to put your foot down Tpl. .ask him to post flyers in the local indian stores and also is there a indian portal there, he can post ads there. he is not a small kid anymore, he can be on his own. Really settle this before you go to the new house…

  6. Jazz says:

    It is not so tough to find accommodation for a single guy, he is obviously not interested in moving out. 2 years is a long time, and he should have adjusted well by now. I’d say maybe you and PK spend time in finding him a house and finalize it, also keep asking him every now and then.

  7. Yeah looks like he doesn’t want to move out. You guys supported him for 2 years and I feel its time for him to find his own irrespective of he is taking responsibility or not.

    • why he does not wants to move out is that he does not wants to be responsible.. he likes to be dependent on PK and wants the security financially also.. basically he wants to live a tension free live..

  8. pari says:

    Hey…enjoy reading your blog except this one…I have to say that you are really mean asking your BIL to leave just because you want privecy(pathetic reason)…put yourself in his position…see how you feel…ya agreed that he does not help you and all the other things that he does instead of talking thigs out, you are forcing your husband to ask him to find his own place…though I love reading your posts, I am sorry to say this but you are a spoilt brat of rich parents…

    • I am being mean??? WOW!!
      putting myself in his position – I would like to be independent, responsible, act like a 23 years old guy rather than behaving like a 5 yr old kid 🙂
      Spoilt brat of rich parents??? hahaha WOW!! again..
      Thanks for your feedback Pari 🙂

  9. pari says:

    You are creating tension between brothers…I understand that your IN-LAWS are not nice to you…whose IN_LAWS are?…mine too are not nice…but that does not give me the reason to create tension between my husband and them…I just let it be…it also feels that you are very immature in this matter…i am sure that PK does not like this situation that you have created but has to side with you…otherwise it seems that you would give him a hard time…grow up…that is all I will say…

    • Oh yours are also not nice to u???
      Now I understand why such comments from you..
      You are SURE ABOUT PK???? Oh do you know him that well???
      I wish you could behave like your name..
      may God bless you with happiness and positivity and energy to your in-laws so that they can handle you 🙂 Take care 🙂

  10. Anonymous says:

    Not Sure what’s wrong & whats correct. Having seen newly wedded girls at a young age staying with in laws, BILS,SILS, taking care of of other kids etc, feels like not a big issue.But again I never faced this & donno how its like and its a new world with new preferances.just my thoughts .Hope you didn’t feel bad.

    • Starting 3 years of marriage I was also not sure what was wrong & what was right..
      You might know that I come from a joint family.. I have lived with 25 people whole my life than adjusting with 2 or 3 members should not be a problem for me..
      Everyone’s opinion is welcome here 🙂 Thanks for your feedback..

  11. Pingback: Build up your self confidence girl… you have to.. it’s high time now.. | tandooripanipurilife

  12. Girl says:

    Hi
    I love ur posts..
    Dont be let down by these harsh comments.
    U r not asking him to move out while he is studying or when he has money problems.NO..
    u have supported him for 2 years and thats more than enough for him to get hold of a new place.
    U deserve ur privacy after a long day at work and all would like to relax in their own home without any reservations.
    Anyone in your shoes will feel the same..
    And u r not a spoiled brat of rich parents..i am very sure of that from ur posts…

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