I am exhausted….

…to the hell.. Yes, I am tired mentally & physically both.. I have so many things to do, this is the first time I am not able to cope up with the “to-do” list which I have prepared in my mind. I have few posts in draft but seems like it will now take ages for me to update those drafts and publish the posts. Some posts are on sensitive topics related to my life, I am not sure if I should put those up here for the public.

Things are not very good at home with the in-laws living with us but not very bad though. I think I have learned to ignore & let go many things that’s why I am saying that things are not very bad!! Starting work after holidays was tiring but I guess it is for everyone till you again get use to your routine??

I wake up in morning earlier than usual because PK does not want to share the main bathroom with the in-laws. PK is cleanliness freak whereas in-laws like to keep bathroom dirty!! No cleanliness is maintained from their side & because they are our elders we cannot say anything to them. So, PK & I use the en-suite to our bedroom. Previously, when we woke up, PK used to use main bathroom while I used to use our en suite. Now, I wake up half an hour to 45 minutes early so that I get ready first & then PK wakes up and then he gets ready. You must be thinking why PK cannot wake up early on some days?? Well, I cannot cope up with cooking dinner & next day’s lunch together as I use to do when in-laws were not here. So, I cook lunch in morning.

After getting ready, I rush to the kitchen, prepare our breakfast, PK’s tea & my bournvita, cook our lunch – for all 5 of us!!! Pack our lunch & while PK is running here & there because his comfort zone has been taken away (his bathroom!!), I even put PK’s lunch in his bag just to save our time. PK prays for 2 seconds, drinks his tea which has gone cold, eats his half-fried egg or black pepper paratha and we rush out of door, so that I can catch the train on time..

In office, we both are doing our month-end stuff which is very tiring & exhausting mentally. We hardly get time to eat, in between we both call the in-laws to ask them how they are doing. At 5.00, I force myself to shut down my computer to go back home only to find out that I have to cook dinner for all of us!! Entering the home, changing our formals & going out in living room, sitting with them for 2 seconds, FIL will say they would like to have tea now, we were waiting for you. Please note neither PK, nor me and not even BIL drinks tea in evening. I prepare tea. Serve them.

Then it is dinner time, MIL is busy chatting with her sons while I cook dinner!!! PK gets up & starts helping me in kitchen which MIL cannot see.. asks PK to go and relax as he must be tired after long day of work. PK replies “Well, we both are tired, we both have worked whole day then why helping me only???” MIL will say – “Oh, I will help your wife also, don’t worry!!” And there I can see MIL’s frowning face, standing beside me, looking at everything I am doing and also asking me questions on recipes!!”

I chop & cook & explain the recipes simultaneously to her. But this madam will not even peel a clove of garlic for me!! We all have dinner while listening all the negative gossip that MIL & FIL does about each & every relative in India!! “Someone has lots of money that is why he is bad, Someone has not given importance to them that’s why he is bad!!” PK & I cannot eat food while hearing only negative things. We have a habit of relaxing, talking about our day while cooking & then eating, watching some TV shows before sleeping but this all have changed into all negative things possible. Even after finishing dinner, PK & I load up the dishwasher, sit with the in-laws for another half an hour because it will be rude if we go to our bedroom immediately after having dinner!! This is our routine!!

We bought so many fresh veggies because MIL said that she will be cooking but the reverse has happened. All fresh veggies are going putrid as FIL & MIL wants to try the frozen veggies here, how they taste after cooking!! Do they taste like fresh veggies, is always the question in their mind. Or they will prefer to eat Potatoes, khichdi or pizza from Dominos & such things which does not use any fresh veggies at our home. So, Yesterday, We threw away a big garbage bag of lentils that I cooked the previous night for everyone but in-laws did not eat as they went out with BIL, I threw away cooked chapattis which were lying on platform for 2 days, Aloo sabji which was in fridge for 2 days, French onion dips that we bought but had expired, Methi pulav that was in fridge, MIL said that they want to eat it but they never ate. Go on people, beat me with a big stick. No, I deserve it for throwing away this much food!! I hate myself for doing this. I even told PK that we should have thrown away the money which we spend for buying veggies instead of throwing away food!!

Here is the problem, We use the leftover food for our next day lunch or dinner, we don’t mind eating it but if MIL says “Oh, leave it there, we will eat this tomorrow or BIL will eat it, will PK & I even touch that food? Definitely not. But then they want to try new thing every time, we cannot say no to that also!! So for the first time, I have thrown away that much food because it went bad because of their dramas!! 😦

They want to eat each and everything possible before they return. “That cousin from Dubai said the flavored yogurt is very nice in foreign countries”, till we did not bought flavored yoghurt home we heard this line for at least 10 times!! “Oh, fruits here are so nice, so juicy” – Ok buy them enough fruits. “Oh the packaging of biscuits is so nice” – buy them lots of biscuits!! “Even lentils & chaat masala are so flavorful, in India we don’t find these things so nice as here” – Dear MIL, lentils & masalas are imported from India only!!! You know what I mean??

Here is one more for you – Flavored yoghurt!!!! We bought only 2 pack as PK & I are not very big fan of yoghurts. Neither MIL, nor FIL asked us where is yours?? Why you guys are not eating?? Not even they offered to try some from them, not that we wanted to eat it but see the mentality!!  After a day, when I was cleaning fridge, I kept the yogurt in side door of fridge, MIL was not able to find it & when I returned from office she asked – “Where is the yoghurt?? I cannot find it, FIL wanted to eat that!!” I opened the fridge & gave to them she replied – “OH. I thought someone ate it!!!” WHAT?????

For sure, PK & I will puke if someone will bring any flavored yoghurt in front of us!!!

It is like now having 3 grown up kids at home and they are asking us to plan our family!!! How will we???Tell me how??? Ufff!!!

I think this post is going nowhere now so I should stop, I still have lot of work to do in office, hopefully I will be able to finish everything by tomorrow & get back to writing more from next week.

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24 Responses to I am exhausted….

  1. Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear this kinda of behavior, what is MIL dong whole day that she is expecting you to cook lunch and dinner. Even expecting tea from you..This is too much. And I am wondering why you do all these. I know they are like guest but they are parents not lke any guest. They can help you little bit na especially on weekdays where you and PK must be very tired. I hope you get some break from this seva..

    • You know why I do all this?? Because if I wait for them to do it, i know they won’t be doing it and then dinner time will be delayed and ultimately we will be sleeping late!! So to finish MY work early, to catch up on sleep whatever hours we get, I do all their seva!!

  2. Visha says:

    My my..hugs dear…big hugs

    That kind of behaviour is totally uncalled for..agreed initial one day MIL might not know what is kept where in the kitchen, but she can at least help u in rolling the chappatis and chopping the veggies..

    of course the two of you will be dead tired after a whole day’s work…she can make the dinner…tell you what..one evening, call her in the kitchen and ask her..she cant refuse a direct request

  3. Sujatha says:

    oh my GOD.. how can ur MIL be like this… being a women she shud understand ur difficulties.. cant she help u in basic household works..
    hugs to u dear.. I just hope that this phase pass on quickly..

  4. Dhivya says:

    Many Many Hugs to you TP. I was actually wondering how you were coping with your ILs visiting you. You know, 10 years ago I had a friend whose style of talking was just like yours – innocent and childlike. I always remember her whenever I read your posts

    What your ILs are doing is not nice. They don’t need to wait till you come home to make the evening tea, that is too much. You can try telling your MIL that she can feel free to use the kitchen like how she does in her house and that she can make tea in the evening and dont have to wait for you to come home. I am actually surprised that she is not competing with you in the kitchen domain.

    Regarding the wasting of food, I hate that too. Used to happen when MIL used to visit us when we were in Chennai. She would put many boxes of food inside the fridge and forget about it, Would take me like 2 days just to get the kitchen back in order.

    Dont stress yourself too much. Just keep telling yourself that this too shall pass Hang in there.

    • awww.. glad that reading me is making you remember your friend.. 🙂

      when she can check fridge, pantry cupboard & drawers in kitchen, I guess she can use stove and utensils as well.. can’t she??

      yes yes.. doing that only Dhivya..

      Thank you dear..

  5. Jazz says:

    Hugs TP.. You sound so tired dear. I guess your In-laws are so excited and want to try everything out there now. It is sad that MIL is not helping the kitchen. Anyway, try to follow some tips to minimize your work at home dear. And ignore all the negative talk around you, try to spend some quality time with TP to relax, he might be stressed as well. Count your days, it will be fine soon. 🙂

    • Their excitement is turning into pressure on both of us!!
      Otherwise we are very happy to buy them things & make them try all different things here…

      Quality time with PK.. guess it will be after in-laws leave.. I sometimes joke with PK that we should have gone for holidays after the in-laws have returned not before they arrived.. no use of those holidays 🙂

      yep counting days.. Thanks for support Jazz 🙂

  6. If things aren’t going right, turn left !!! દુઃખનું ઓસડ દહાડા.

  7. hmmmmmmmmm Well all i will say is take care. and dont stress yourself .. They are probably their for some time and will go back ..
    I guess its jsut the mentality and thats how most inlaws are because they grow up thinking the DIL will come and do all the work .. your MIL probably did the same when she came to the family ..

    I know difficult to ignore but take it easy , Take care.

  8. MaybornGemini says:

    That is really hard!!!! it will be so for the next few months right…Just think of it as an opportunity to show them your cooking skills……or tell PK to ask his mom to cook some of his favorite stuff, I am sure she will oblige…God Luck either way…

    • it was going to be for 3 long months but since they delayed their arrival due to Dadi’s demise, their stay has shorten to one month only..
      MIL is already scared on competing with me on cooking that is also a reason I think she does not cooks, his both sons & FIL love the food I cook more than her cooked meals..

      Thanks for wishing me luck dear.. need it 🙂

  9. Es Chris says:

    This is absolutely terrible to hear. So much insensitivity on their behalf. Cant the fil ask the mil to make some tea or make it himself, why do they have to wait for you? me wonders. This post is simply a microism of the continuing patriarchal system that we have in our culture.

    But the good silver lining from this post is how much supportive PK is for you. 🙂

  10. shaktii says:

    omg..tpp,

    looks you are so tired..why cant your mil cook dinner atleast..so that after cmg home u will be relaxed..tell her u love her cooking so ask her to do dinner..come late from office one day and see what happens..

  11. Sorry to read about your bad experience with your in laws. Hope they will be leaving soon so you can go back to your normal life.Stay strong gal!!!

  12. My Era says:

    I have been in your shoes TPP, your post brought to me a flood of memories.
    Tight hugs sweetie, hope you guys get back to your peaceful life soon.

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