So, about a year ago this incident happened..
During my last trip to India, when I was staying at my Mom’s place, to look after her as she was not keeping well, MIL use to call me regularly and she use to hear from me that some guest has arrived. Now, because I live in a joint family, there are always some or other guests at our place & since I was visiting India & Mom was also not well, many of our relatives came to meet us everyday.
When I returned to Sydney, MIL use to call my Mom & my Mom also, while talking to her use to tell her that she is busy & tired because of nonstop guests and all that… So, once my Mom just casually told to MIL that she should also take out some time & visit them.
The fact is that MIL likes to be “served” by my family, she loves to get gifts from my family & she loves it when all my uncles & aunties give her importance as she is my MIL. She also knows that when any guest comes at our home, my family is like all over them. All three meals a day will be three course meals, along with that teas, coffees, Milk shakes, snacks, fruits that are served like 24 hours. MIL has experienced this while she was in Surat, for couple of times and was impressed, also she had heard a lot about my family even before we got married.
So, as soon as my Mom told MIL to come to Surat (not seriously), she was so excited that she hanged up the phone saying that they will be visiting Surat for TWO-THREE days. MIL told this to PK & me on phone later in the evening.
I was so mad at MIL, I was thinking they know what the situation is at my home, my Mom is not well, there are already other relatives like my Dad’s 4 sisters & Grandfather’s 5 sisters visiting, they all are tired of the guests, they need to relax & also in all the guests visiting Surat, there were no one’s in-laws visiting, just all the daughters of the families were visiting. You can say the close family members were visiting and not anyone’s in-laws.
You all know how Moms & Dads always do the “seva” of their daughter’s in-laws. I did not wanted my Mom & my Dad & my family to get tired even more, so I told my MIL, “very politely” that “Mumiji, you can visit them later because they already have so many guests at home & my Aunties & my sisters are now tired, may be visit them next month when you go to Grand MIL & PIL”
She was Ok when I said that, she understood everything but next day she was so angry on me, she did not spoke to me, she shouted at PK – “Who is your wife to advise us whether we should go anywhere or not? Does she thinks that she is elder than us? Does she thinks we don’t have our mind to decide? Is she old enough to give me instructions? Blah blah blah….”
I apologized even though it was not my mistake, I did not wanted our relatives to talk about how my in-laws visited Surat when it was totally unnecessary. In our culture, in-laws do not visit each other frequently unless there is any function to attend.
Now, at that same time the bangles incident also happened. You can read it here. So, MIL was even more angry with me.
So, after few days my Dad called my PIL to wish for Diwali & New Year. So, during their general talk my Dad told PIL to visit them. You know how we say before hanging up the phone – “Chalo phir, milne ka plan banana, aana kabhi time nikaal ke” like that.
PIL told to my Dad – “Can you please stop saying this to us? Your daughter doesn’t want us to visit you in Surat, so it is better not to tell us. Your daughter does not like it if we visit you & if your daughter doesn’t like it, my son will also not like it. When kids are not happy if we visit you, why you keep telling us?”
My heart aches when I write this. Imagine my Dad’s condition when he is hearing this for her daughter. Is this the price my Dad has to pay for being my dad?? for being a daughter’s Dad?? My Dad just said “They are kids, don’t take their words on heart, I apologize on her behalf, if you want I will come and pick you up from Baroda” Pick you up???? What for??? Why??
I was so angry on my Dad, why did he listen to PIL?? Why did he apologised? And whatever may happen but Dad is not going to pick them up from Baroda. They only want my Parents to do their seva as I, their DIL, is not in India to serve them….
PK was also not happy, even today he says he will not be able to face my Mom & my Dad because of the way MIL & PIL have treated them.
In-laws want respect but they don’t want to give respect. They want importance, they don’t want to give importance. They want to be served but don’t want to serve when someone from my family comes at their place just for few hours, just to pick me up. They want gifts but don’t want to give any.
Just want to take this out of my system, I can never forget how MIL has insulted & complained on me to my Mom & how PIL has spoken to my Dad. I have decided that when they will be here in December and if they will bring up this topic, I am not going to leave them. They have hurt my Mom & my Dad 😦 😦 😦