Thank you… Thank you… Thank you!!!!

I really really want to say a big Thank You to all of you who have been coming here & reading me & commenting or even not commenting. I really appreciate that you spend a few minutes or few seconds from your 24 hours to read me. I am highly grateful to you all from the bottom of my heart.

I accept that I am not a very good writer, I don’t want to be one knowing that I have very basic English language knowledge & I have many grammatical errors or sentence formation errors in my every post. I don’t even read the post myself, I just keep on writing & then just post it.

I started this blog for one reason, that is to note down the beautiful memories of my life so that I don’t forget them after few years but it happened that I started to vent out my anger and negative feelings I have for my in-laws. When I look at last month’s posts I can see that most of them are angry posts where I have written my heart out about my MIL & BIL.

Believe me or not, I am not a negative person. I am not trying to give clarification for my negative posts,  I don’t want to praise my own self here but I would like the people, who read me, to know that I am the person who likes to delete the bad memories in my life. I cannot react negatively or reply aggressively to anyone, I would rather ignore the situation & behave like nothing has happened.

Many times PK has forced me to reply back to any of the comments by the family or friends that have hurt me but I cannot. He has many times told me that “If third person doesn’t worry about your feelings, if they can hurt you then why you have to be scared that you will hurt them?”

Sometimes, BIL has back answered me very rudely & I have kept quite but after hour or two I have cried and cried and vented my anger out. Sometimes I have vented my anger out on poor PK, which he understands that I am actually venting out my anger on the person who has really hurt me. I really don’t have the guts to reply arrogantly to anyone. I am very emotional person, I cannot & do not ever want to hurt any person’s feelings because of me.

I wish I could change this, I really want to be more practical rather than being emotional. But being emotional is deep rooted in my mind I guess.

That is why when there are any issues with MIL, I cannot speak up. When the conversation with her are over, when I hung up the phone, I burst into tears, hug PK, cry till I am relieved and thus vent out my feelings.

Many times PK has asked me to act smart like my Mom. I am not saying that my Mom is very smart & intelligent than MIL or anything like that but PK himself has said that he has learned a lot from her, & I, even though I am her own daughter I cannot reply smartly. Reply smartly means reply whatever is in your heart but in the polite manner.

PK even explains me in examples. Here is one in his own words “If you are in India and you want to go out for a while, don’t ask permission from MIL, we know she will not allow you. Instead just say that “Mumiji, I am going out for a while, will be back soon because I know you need me here” that is it. This way you are doing what you want at the same time making her feel that you care for her”. How I wish that all the situations can be handles in this same manner L

The reason for writing all this is because I have noticed a difference in myself after I started this blog. I am a happier person now, I am happy when I get to converse with my virtual friends here through comments, I get to express myself fully without any fear of hurting someone’s feeling, I feel more relieved and relaxed and go back home as a happy person J

I was never been judged at my own home before my marriage but now I am being judged, there were many people in my family to talk to, friends to share with but here even though I have friends, they are not my childhood friends, they are my husband’s friend’s wives, even though I have people around me but they are not from my family. So, even though I have big groups here, I am still alone.

After starting this blog, I am able to analyse the situation with the help of comments. And able to come to any final decision whether it is regarding any situation or my feelings or thoughts. I am very bad at decision-making.

PK does not know that I have started a blog. I did told him that I am going to start one & I did discussed the name of the blog with him but when I started writing, I did not informed him. PK knows about each & every line I have written here but not by reading this blog but I have told him in words every day.

Sometimes I feel guilty of not letting him know about this but I think that once I have shared the posts with him, there will be discussions everyday about what I have written & then it will affect my writing because I will not be able to write my mind. It is not that I don’t want to share with PK but I want this to be my personal space to speak my mind & express my feelings.

Am I doing something wrong? Have all of you shared about your blog with your husband?? Will he be hurt if I will know about this blog after few months? I don’t know what to do…  😦

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8 Responses to Thank you… Thank you… Thank you!!!!

  1. chipmunk2890 says:

    ha ha 🙂 that’s really nice way to handle mil 🙂 come on girl u act like a very good girl and have ur fun 🙂 world is a podium each and every person is ur audience!! if u wanna be happy u gotta act 🙂 🙂 new resolution will come soon!!!!!! happy day ahead!!

  2. Good that you started a blog, I never felt you are a neagtive person redaing any of your posts, well I told you writing wholeheartedly makes you satisfied, I am sure you started this blog for yourself and not for others, I started blog on similar note and had zero readers for many months, but writing it down makes it clear.

    Reply back politely something we all have to learn, yeah we all go through that situation where we can’t answer back to the person who has hurt you. There is nothing right or wrong in a relation, you can do what you feel is right, you should be the better person to know what is best,decide wisely. In my case my hubby knows I write here but he doesn’t read me, he thinks he knows me better in real and don’t have to follow through my blogs. But if my husband is writing a blog(well he does) I mean if he is writing a personal blog I am sure I would like to read him. So its personal choices, there is nothing right or wrong.

    • Yes you are right LF I started this blog for myself only & it feels so good when someone like you understands what I am trying say & thank you that you thought I ma not a negative person because after looking back at few of my posts I was feeling that I have poured all the negativity out of my system on this blog 🙂

      I would have also read PK’s blog if he was writing one.. So, after reading your comment, I feel like I should at least let PK know that I am writing, there is nothing to hide, he knows everything but then it is his personal choice 🙂

  3. Jazz says:

    My earlier comment is missing. 😦

    Anyway, I wrote that we all need some personal space to vent and get back to normal. And I’m sure your husband will understand. 🙂

  4. BB says:

    It’s YOUR blog………your baby/your home/your space.It is your choice how you nurture it/design it…….be it be a peeping window for the past or a venting zone, or a time pass.Dont look for anyone’s approval for your blog posts,or for that matter anything in life, as long as its all from brimming from your heart.You want to surround yourself with people who love you for what you are,not have a crowd around of people with whom you are trying to play yourself like a piano to match their frequency and only then be liked by them.
    Should you be sharing it with your Husband??Absolutely your and only your call.No one can tell you to do the same, or not ;and no one can judge you for sharing or not sharing this with him.Let it be only and only your decision…….straight from the heart……..not out of guilt, or pressure ,or what others do.

    And standing up for your self respect is not called being arrogant/rude.I like to practice- what’s in the heart ,is on the face and a happy world is built on that.Relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.Feeling angry and unhappy about someone’s behaviour and pretending all is fine,is being dishonest with yourself and the other person ,and does no good to any relationship. and Repressed anger is unhealthy.

    Happy Blogging.

    • Whoaaa…

      Absolutely agree that this is my blog, I am really writing down my heart here..
      “You want to surround yourself with people who love you for what you are,not have a crowd around of people with whom you are trying to play yourself like a piano to match their frequency and only then be liked by them”
      Love love love these words of yours… hats off to you dear..

      Now regarding sharing with PK, I don’t want to share as of now but sometimes I feel uncomfortable knowing that I am hiding something from him 😦
      And that is why I have decided, may be I will inform him about this then we will see..
      I am learning to be straight forward & honest with myself…Thanks a lot BB for opening my eyes 🙂

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