Confusion who visits whom??

It has been a year since I went to India. PK has not gone to India after August 2010, so it has been 2 years for him. After series of fights between MIL & us, PK does not want to go to India, he says that he does not have energy to argue with his Mom any more. He wants to go there to relax but now the situation has changed if he will go there, again there will be expectations, restrictions and arguments, he wants to stay from them.

While we were thinking of staying away from them, MIL & PIL mentioned their desire to visit us. With MIL’s emotional blackmail we agreed to invite them here. They said they have to visit us for 3 months. We said OK, and then they have no funds for their visas and tickets or even for their shopping before coming here.  All this will be funded by us. Now that BIL is also settled, BIL said that he willingly wants to share half of the visa & ticket cost but their shopping and other activities here will be funded by us only.

We got this bad news of my Didi’s husband passing away at very young age. We had to go to visit her in India but because PK’s job was only one week old, he was unable to ask for leave from office. So, my dad advised us go to India whenever PK can get leave but it is important to visit them, we cannot just ignore this situation. Dad said if it is wedding or any other function and we cannot visit there then it’s Ok but during this bad time we should once meet our Didi.

Since we only had our December Christmas holidays left with us, we wanted to make use of those holidays and visit India. Here, MIL & PIL said that they want to be in Australia in Christmas holidays so that we can take them out to see Christmas decorations and celebrations and New Year fireworks and celebrations here.

Now, we are in the situation where we don’t know which set of parents should we give importance to? Should we just not go to India and fulfil the dream of MIL & PIL to take them out here for celebrations, who are waiting for 9 years to visit Australia and see their son’s home?

Or should we give importance to my parents who are asking to visit them & Didi who are going through difficult time? They want us to be there as soon as and whenever possible, which is only possible for us when MIL & PIL want to be here?

Should we ask MIL & PIL to come after December and not see the Christmas & New Year fun here so that we can use our holidays and go to India to visit my parents & Didi?

As far as I know my in-laws they will not be happy if we will delay their travel to Australia, in fact frankly speaking, we don’t have guts to say them no. We also know that the situation that is at my parent’s home is very difficult one, we cannot just keep delaying our visit. We don’t want to be like the strangers who visit their relatives after 6 months of their difficult time.

Now, while PK & I were in all this confusion, my Mom called me Sunday morning, after all the basic talking she said: “N, yesterday your MIL called to wish brother (my youngest brother) on his birthday. I have told her everything very politely and in very good tone which makes them feel very happy. I have told them that you and PK should come here to visit your Didi, she is going through a very difficult time. Also, it has been 2 years since we have seen PK, Dadaji & Dadi (my grand MIL & PIL) are so old they must be also missing their grandson.”

MIL replied “yeah, I know, everyone is missing them, they should come here but we are going to Australia, so PK & N cannot come to India”

Mom said “Oh wow!! Great news!! Then PK & N can come to India first for few days and then they can take you both along with them, as you both are travelling internationally first time, it will be a help for you as well and PK & N will be able to visit us for few days also, both problems solved”

Now my MIL replied “Yeah they can come to India to pick us up but it will be so expensive, they are booking our tickets and then they have to spend on booking their tickets as well, it will be very expensive”

My Mom: “It’s ok no.. We know our kids are capable that much financially. And more than money it is more important to see each other & meet everyone during difficult times, why do they earn money? So that they can use it during these times right? You are elder of the family, please advise N & PK how and when they should plan their short visit”

MIL: “Ok, we will see. Bye”

In all this conversation my Mom was very polite and trying to find out the solution which is agreeable to all of us.

So, after 2 hours we called MIL just to hear her reaction whether she is angry on my Mom or she is going to give us any advise on planning our visit to India.

PK & I were surprised after we hang up their call. Why? Because whatever we expected, it did not happen. MIL spoke to both of us. After casual talk she also mentioned about her calling my Mom and my brother to wish them but she did not mention anything about PK & my India travel which is also important.

I can only come to conclusion that MIL does not want us to go to India, no matter how bad or difficult the situation is. She is scared that if we will make our plan then they will not be able to come here. She said that she and PIL will go and visit my Didi. May be she is thinking that if she will visit my Didi, it will be ok if I don’t go. But who will explain her that she cannot take my place in life of my Didi, Our visiting her is also important. Also, a big shock for me is that in these 2 years, she has never asked when PK can visit to India. She has never said that she is missing his son.

So, is PK only a bank for them from where they can get money whenever they need?

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9 Responses to Confusion who visits whom??

  1. LF says:

    One advise I would give to you and PK is never let anyone decide for you. Just do what is right between two of you. Parents and friends and family are there to give us advise but you are old enough to decide for yourself.

    In my view you should go to India and spend sometime with Didi, give her that comfort she wants in this tough time,MIL could be unhappy but she will forget when she come back along with you to Australia. Your mom’s words are precious, money will come and go, but relationships live long, especially the blood relations.

    • PK & my decision is to ask the in-laws to not to come here in December (when they really want) so that we can visit our Didi in India.

      As far as we know them they will not be able to tolerate this, again all the emotional blackmailing will start & crying & not talking to us thus creating another knot in our relationship before they visit us.

      We always have taken our decisions LF, only this time we are confused because we have to give importance to my family here which in-laws will not tolerate 😦

  2. shaktii says:

    Hi
    iam a recent reader of your blog, nice snippets you write..
    Reg the confusion, why not you travel a bit earlier so that you can visit your sis few days before dec and bring your in laws to Aus as they prefer..just my thought.. i know leave would be a constraint but maybe you can try..
    Do visit me at http://shaktii.wordpress.com/ to know abt me..i live in spore..

    • Hi Shakti, welcome here 🙂
      We were thinking about the same thing but PK will not get leave as he has recently joined new job & his probation period is not finished yet.
      I would surely like to know you, will soon visit your blog 🙂

  3. Jazz says:

    I think you can go with your mom’s suggestion, that was what came to my mind when I read the first half of the post, if it is feasible with you. That way MIL might get unhappy but you people can make up for it in their visit to Aus. 🙂

  4. MomWithaDot says:

    Yes, I think both should be able to work out. They will be here for three months right ? But you would be gone only a few weeks. When you are away, Shriman. B-I-L ji can take them around to show the Christmas trees no?

    • hehehe.. MWD, I liked your comment 🙂
      ehh.. Shriman BIL ji does not drives here that is the main problem and to take the in-laws in public transport, he will not be able to manage, that is for sure.
      But this gives me an idea that we can then go in January for a week or two. New year & Christmas will be over by that time & BIL can take care of in-laws for that period..will speak to PK about this. Thank you 🙂

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