Why BIL ?

If you think that you are the only busiest person on earth then you are wrong my dear BIL YOU have chosen to work night shifts. YOU like night shifts because as per your excuse it is less work in night shifts. We have many times told you not to work night shifts but you don’t listen. Every time we talk to you please do not make us feel that when we are sleeping peacefully at night, you are working at your night shift BECAUSE when YOU are sleeping whole day at home, we are also working hard in the office at that time.

If you feel that you are overloaded with house work which is only doing dishes, which you voluntarily decided as you don’t know how to cook then you are wrong again. Please remember, PK & I, after working hard 8 to 6 in office, we are in kitchen from 6.30 to 8.00 pm cooking 2 meals, each for 3 people, dinner being 12-15 rotis, sabji & daal which is always ready when you wake up and kadhi & pulav for next day’s lunch.

You know PK & I go for grocery shopping on weekends. We carry 5kgs of Atta, 5 kgs of Rice, 4 kgs of Potatoes, 4 kgs of onions, 12 tomato cans and sabjis & lentils & what not. You know how hard it is to carry everything and climb 4 stairs. Have you ever helped us in this? No!!

Why do you have to buy eggs, bread, cereals, milk, fruits & ask PK to deduct it from your grocery share when we inform you that we are eating our dinner outside? When it comes to grocery shopping you will not help us but when it comes to spending your 10 dollars for your own meal you want us to share it in grocery cost?? Why?

Since 2 months you have started doing the dishes after every 2 days or even after 3 or 4 days instead of everyday. Do you know because of this we have to clean the big pots every day after returning from office to cook 2 big meals for us? You are left with washing 2 plates only afterwards.  Don’t bother for that too we will clean those as well, sir!!!  You just wake up at 8.00pm, open the microwave, take your dinner plate, enjoy fresh, hot, yummy meal and leave for your night duty.

Do you know apart from cooking & doing dishes we have other chores as well at home which PK & I do & you never feel like helping us???  We clean kitchen platform every day, we clean Dining table & centre table every day, we clean kitchen drawers & cabinets every weekend, we clean our balcony, we do vacuuming of our carpet & sofas, we clean main bathroom which you use every day but never clean it. We unpack the groceries, stack them, and refill the jars but do you ever feel like helping us? You just like to sit on sofa and watch us working!!

Do you know we iron our clothes as well apart from doing all other work? We don’t wear un ironed clothes like you. No, no, we are not asking you to iron our clothes but please understand that this is also a work for us, which you do not do for yourself.

We change our bed sheet regularly & wash it & dry it then fold it & keep them away which you don’t do for months.

Have you ever thought of cleaning your room? There are rotten fruits in your wardrobe which you buy for yourself & keep them “safe” from us. There are newspapers in your room which have turned yellow in colour. There are stinky socks & washed clothes all lying together on your bed and then you sleep on them. There are empty water bottles, tissues, plastic bags, shoes lying here and there in your room. PK & I don’t like to keep our house like dustbin.  You have seen how much efforts we put to keep our house clean. Then why you don’t help us??

If you want to hear very rude sentence, I am telling you, your mom has not taught you to do your work by your own even if you are staying at someone else’s place. She has not taught you to keep house clean. I can feel this when I see you not taking shower for days continuously. If you are not keeping yourself clean, how will you keep your surroundings clean?

If we ask you to clean your room you always have to reply that you don’t have time, you have assignments or your favourite reply is “kar dunga na” ( I will do it) as if you are doing our work & not your own. Why you don’t have assignments when you are out for movie with your friends, when you are playing on laptop, when you are chilling & relaxing on sofa while watching TV or listening to loud music, while chatting on face book, while talking on phone for hours with your friends?? Why?

You are so shameless that when we have guests coming for dinner at our place, you sit on the sofa & see me & PK preparing 3 course meals from the morning but you never ever offer to help. Why? Oh because cooking is “our” duty not yours!!!  We go and buy beer cartons, groceries etc but you will never help. When guests arrive you want to sit & drink with them, you want to be served like a guest while PK helps me. You have to tell every guest how hard you work because you do night shifts so that everyone is sympathetic to you. After guests leave you also leave with them for your work, and then PK & I have to clean up everything including washing crockery. You are as good as a guest, you will come, eat, talk, enjoy & leave. You are not like a family member at all.

For sharing the expenses, why you don’t share one-third of rent, why do you only have to share the amount that you want to? For groceries, you want big portions of everything but why you don’t share one-third part of grocery expense?

Why do you eat away everything which is leftover from our take away meals? You eat away half of my pizza & half of PK’s pizza because you want to eat that expensive pizza but don’t want to spend a penny from your pocket. Why do you have to finish each and everything which is in fridge? Why you don’t think that there are 2 other people also living in the same house? Why you don’t learn from PK when he shares everything with you.

Why you do not cover butter box, sugar jar, ghee, any pots with food inside it? Why you do not close the bread packet once you open it? Is it so that you can eat fresh bread & PK & I eat the bread left uncovered for hours? I have told you for thousands of times in this one and half-year but you don’t listen. You do it deliberately I know that.

You don’t want to give us privacy, you don’t want to keep our house clean, you don’t want to help us in-house chores, you don’t want to cover any food, you want to know each and everything we talk about, you want to know all details of salary packages of mine & PK, if we don’t tell you, your mom informs you everything, you want to count how many rotis PK is eating, how many I am eating, You want to keep a check on what we are talking on phone, with whom, you want to add each and every friend of ours in your face book friends so that you know each & every update of our life, you always want to join us for our friend’s parties, why you don’t want to move out with your friends ?? Why you don’t want to let us live our life peacefully? WHY WHY WHY !!!

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7 Responses to Why BIL ?

  1. Shanthi says:

    man…i dont think i will have words to express all i feel… though i feel bad about this whole situation i think its time u take a firm stand and express that this guy needs to move out.i mean what r u afraid of… that ur in laws will feel bad? let them, by doing so much am sure u r stil being bad mouthed, why not not do any of this and be bad mouthed..atleast u wont feel bad then. u married this guy so u could share ur life with him… not mess ur life with no freedom at all… its not ur duty to accomodate this guy…if ur husband will feel bad that u dont like his brother staying, then let him, i mean u have tried ur best, and have accomodated for sucha aconsiderable time..if its not working out means it is not working out…thats it.. just voice ur opinion…this blog is just for venting out ur anger…only when its is expressed in real world change will happen, and the change is very much required to live peacefully in this world… i mean ur husband will want to ahve atleast hi-bye relationship with his bro right…if this goes on then even hi-bye relationship will become bitter…

    • I agree with each & every word of yours Shanthi. This blog is just a mode to vent out my anger. PK knows about this that I am not happy with his bro staying with us. I am just waiting for December coz BIL will finish his studies & PK’s responsibility of taking care of his “small” bro will be over.

      Yes you are right I am afraid of my in laws feeling bad. Also, sometimes scared of PK feeling bad because after all BIL is his one and only younger brother living away from his parents.

      After every discussion, PK says this one line which makes me shut up, that is ” what if your younger brother would have been staying with us and I behave the same way as you do with BIL?”

      Hopefully BIL himself decides to move out soon.

      • Pepper says:

        I don’t understand this line –
        Please tell me, what does PK mean when he says this “PK says this one line which makes me shut up, that is ” what if your younger brother would have been staying with us and I behave the same way as you do with BIL?”

        Firstly, how do you behave with your BIL? Secondly, I’d tell my husband that my younger brother or sister would never be doing this. If he/she did, I would have asked even my own sibling to leave. If they can’t value and respect the laws of the house they are living in, they don’t deserve to live there.

      • Whatever problems I have with BIL, I share them all with PK & he understands and agrees. But at last BIL is his younger brother & he gets frustrated with all my complaints. He says that If my brother would have came here & stayed with us, he would not have asked my brother to move out or he would not have complained this much.
        I really don’t behave rudely with BIL, but his presence makes me uncomfortable. He is as good as having a guest at home all the time.
        I have replied the same to PK as you have said.
        But we never come to any decision after hours and hours of discussions. He says just ignore BIL’s actions, he will do everything properly when he finishes his studies.

  2. Hi TP! Ok, so I got here from your follow on the blog yesterday. I have read Aug 2012, and Sep 2012 so far. Yes, I am reading all your archives 🙂
    Couple of things, LOVE, absolutely love how honest you are about how you feel. There might be things I do not completely relate to, but the tone and fact of the matter attitude on this blog, hats off!
    I am hooked. Up you go on my reader, and on my next hour at work too 😉

  3. Hi TPPL,

    First time commenting here, though I’ve visited this space before and read about the story of your sis’s wedding 🙂
    Reading your archives now…
    Love your honesty and the way you wirte about it, even though its everyday life you’re talking about. And good that you finally spoke up for yourself. In a society like ours , the DiLs still suffer despite being educated and employed, because education and employment only empower you, they don’t remove hurt from your heart. Keep writing, dear. Writing down things puts them in a clear perspective.
    Cheers !

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