MIL & me !!!!

Me & my MIL share a very Khatta-Meetha relationship as like each & every MIL-DIL. Even though MIL lives Saat Samundar Paar in India we have had number of tutu-mainmain in three years of my married life.

MIL is a very emotional, sensitive, caring & sometimes loving too. PK & his family use to live in small apartment before our wedding. They have struggled a lot with money when PK & BIL were kids. They could not afford any luxury.  This was the main reason why PK moved to OZ. He wanted to improve the life style of his family & wanted them to see living happily without any struggle with the expenses. MIL & PIL did everything to fulfil PK’s wish to send him here and get him settled. After his 12th he moved to another city for his studies & then he moved here after finishing his Bachelors. PK finished his studies, got settled, bought a new house for his family and changed their life totally. This all happened just before our wedding. We got engaged in January, in March, PK’s family moved from small apartment to big house & then he bought a luxury Car for himself in AUS in March itself. We got married in June and I came to live with his family in India for few days till my visa is approved and I get to move to Sydney with PK.

 I do not want to brag about myself or want to show off but want all of you to know the background of PK & me. I belong to a very well-known, well to do family in our community with Gold & Diamond business. Each and every member of our family out of 22, are very down to earth. My grandfather (without letting any family member or anyone know) donates gold & silver ornaments to the families whose girls are getting married but they are not able to fulfil the dowry needs. I do not want to mention this but this is necessary for you to know if you are going to judge me with the incidents I am going to mention here.

So, it all started with small one liner taunts from MIL which I was not able to understand first because I was only 22 years old, bit immature to understand that these are negative remarks.

Haan, haan acha hai na, jab se PK AUS gaya hai, hum toh 9 saal se intezaar kar rahe hai wahan jaane ka aur tu toh shaadi kar ke  15 din me wahan jaa payegi. (Since Pk went to AUS, we are still waiting from 9 years to go there but you are lucky to just get married and go there in 15 days only). This line I had heard for so many times in 15 days that I had to reply that “I got married to PK; I have to live with him only so I will have to go to AUS”

Then she said “our relatives were asking, will you not keep your DIL with you at least for a year?? Let your son go to AUS. You should get some benefits (like cooking & doing household chores, doing their seva) from your DIL, if she will go to AUS, what is the benefit of getting your son married” After hearing this for few times I replied “ Inform your relatives that if I had to live without PK for a year I would not have married him, would have waited for years after engagement”

Next, “Acha hai na tu toh gaadi me gumegi wahan jaakar” (You are so lucky you will get to travel in your own car) I could understand that they did not had car and the one which they have is in AUS with PK so I will be the one who will get to travel in their son’s car first. This was not a very big deal for me but again I heard this so many times that I made up some story to let her know that I have been travelling in our own car for years before I got married, this is not new for me.

After we returned from our honeymoon, she was not ready so see our pics, she was not speaking to me at all, ignoring me and behaving awkwardly. When PK asked what the matter was she said that Grandmother in law(GMIL) has scolded her because MIL’s brothers and their family mis-behaved during our wedding. I will not go deep in this matter but what was the point in ignoring me & not talking to me when ‘she’ was scolded by her MIL ??

She started giving me instructions that she will not allow me to take any gold with me while going to AUS, when I said that I will be carrying all my delicate jewellery like rings, pendants or chain. She got mad at me. By this time PK had left for AUS already as he had to join his work. She started saying that PK has asked her to not to give me any jewellery to take with me to OZ. She said PK gets worried. Don’t give him unnecessary tension. I really wanted some jewellery with me, so I asked PK on phone if I can bring some with me. PK’s reply: “Of course why not, it’s your jewellery you can bring whatever you like” I was in shock and asked him if he has said anything to his MOM, he said he has not even spoken on this topic with his mom. So, MIL was manipulating everything L

Then I started packing for my travel. She was sitting with me till I finish my packing to see what all I am packing in my luggage. Also, she even checked my Handbag & purse; she made an excuse that she wants to see the material of my purse inside?? I could understand everything but could not say her anything, I thought I am going to leave in 2-3 days; I don’t want to create any problem in the family.

Pk came to pick me up from Aus to India, he is really very caring, very loving husband. It was my first international travel, he wanted to be with me, he risked his job and flew to India for 2 days only. We went to Kuala Lumpur first and then went to Sydney. We sent them our KL pics. When we first called them, MIL first question to me was – Did you do lot of shopping in KL?? I said No. She said – I think you have bought some jewellery from KL. Again I said no. She said yes yes you have bought some jewellery, I can see in one of your KL pic, you have a small bag which jewellers give when you buy something. My reply was – Mumiji, the bag has been given “FREE” by Airport people & it has KL map inside it so that we don’t get lost in a new country!!!!!!

On my first day in PK’s family, MIL served me Capsicum sabji and roti to eat. When I told this to others, they said that new DIL should not me given any Mirchi at least for her first meal in new family!!! I know it sounds like superstitious thing but I was not even told to prepare anything sweet.  Instead on my very first day I started cooking right in the morning from Tea to dinner. Somedays sweep the floor too if kaamwali has taken holiday.  I was feeling like their wish was been fulfilled of getting a kammwaali  in the form of DIL. I was not allowed to go anywhere out with PK alone. If we all are going out in Auto rickshaw, my MIL’s instructions were to sit with her & PIL in one Auto and PK & PKB will come in another Auto. We were not allowed to go for a movie or even eat in one plate together. Which mother will want to keep her son & DIL separate?? I have heard mom’s wanting their son & DIL to be together, is it wrong what I have heard and seen?

You know what, she gave clear instructions to PK to not to speak about their personal things in front of me. PK replied her that I was member of their family now and he will not hide anything from me. what ever they will discuss, they will have to involve me too. MIL did not said anything but it was clear that she has not at all welcomed me in the family & that I was just an outsider & still I am 😦

I know this sound like post full of complaints but this is what has happened with me & lots more incidents like these will show how much control freak she is. She wants same things as I have.Some times she is my competitor!! Want to ask you all are these all very small incidents?? Am I taking all this very personally & seriously??

MIL & PIL are planning to visit us in December for 3 months, not sure how I will be able to live with them for 3 months when I was not able to live with them for just 15 days!!!

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8 Responses to MIL & me !!!!

  1. MomWithaDot says:

    Last time I told you in anger. This time, I’m telling you seriously. Please take up a job. Here are my reasons:

    1. It will keep you away from the muck of being around them 24 X 7 for at least 8 hrs a day. Thankfully, this is your pre kids stage, so no guilt there.

    2. In families where money is important, a money-earning person is equally or more important. You will not be treated like the doormat they would love to make of you.

    3. Pack up all your finery and deposit them with a trustworthy friend. Place ALL jewelry in a bank. Trust me, she will walk into your closet and inspect it when you are not around. Mine did – I was shocked!

    4. It seems like you are person that likes to interact with people (most bloggers are, right?) So interacting with real people in a professional environment would be refreshing for you, I think.

    Please begin to look at yourself as an independent person, then as so and so’s wife. The latter wouldn’t exist without the former. My $0.02.

    • I live in sydney now & my in laws live in India. This all happened when I lived with them just for 15 days before coming to sydney. I am working full time here.
      PK & me have decide that next time we go to India, we will bring all my jewellery back with us.
      MIL do checks my wardrobe in India regularly, she uses up all my things like facewashes or beauty products if I leave them in India. She even keeps her own sarees & stuff in my wardrobe, which I dont like at all.
      I am scared now that she is coming to sydney in december & she might keep checking my wardrobe & bags & my room when I will be gone to work..
      I do like to interact with people thats why with my very basic writing skills I want to share my life incidents with everyone 🙂
      Thanks a lot for stopping by and motivating me to look myself as independent person. Means a lot to me 🙂

  2. MomWithaDot says:

    Oops, sorry I assumed you weren’t working, my bad!

  3. Mayborn Gemini says:

    OMG, if they are coming to be with you, specailly with your MIL, you need to let her know the limits…sooner teh better atleats they wont butt into your perosnal things…Good Luck!!!

  4. Oh dear, your posts are so honest and coming from heart, keep writing it will make you feel better and give new perspective . Well I cannot solve your problems; it is you who have to do so. In my personal experience we all go through this MIL-DIL arguments and disagreements, what I have learned from my life is we will reach one stage where we can accept the way we are, the way things are. Both you and your MIL will reach that stage where you both can tolerate each other, just keep an open heart and everything will fall in place. Till then I wish you all the good luck.

    I used to dislike the involvement of my inlaws on our life on daily basis(initial days o marriage), I don’t like to talk to them daily, over a period of time, now I call them when I feel like and they have stopped complaining and expecting. Also I had this feeling that R belongs to me, I didn’t want to share him, after I become a mom now I know how some relationships are, I am telling all these not to make you feel bad, what you are going through is absolutely normal and you will overcome.

    • Thank you so much LF. Your words are really very soothing. I can really now see a ray of hope where everything will be alright. I hope we reach at that stage soon. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience.

      In my case, I never had a problem with talking with in-laws regularly but over the period of time I felt that the more I talk on phone the more they want to know about our life, they want every minute details. I talk with them on weekends but PK calls once a while on week days.

      I also feel the same that PK belongs to me, I don’t want to share him. sometimes this makes me sad, I feel that I am being very possessive but as you said I really wish I will overcome.

      Thank you again for making my day with your comment 🙂

  5. Pingback: When PK & I met – Fifth part | tandooripanipurilife

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